Catbot and Gloria sat on the curb examining the bus map of Parodiopolis. They both found the multi-colored lines confusing.
“I don’t understand it, where do all these lines go? Some of them just run into the water or buildings.” Gloria observed.
“I believe some of the buses take you to different dimensions. Do you want to call Lissette?”
“No, I know where I am.”
“Ok… Where?”
“Alright, you see that hotdog stand?”
“Yes.”
“Go get me a hotdog. Here’s a ten.” Catbot was a little hurt; he was starting to feel his new friend didn’t quite see him as an equal. It was possible she didn’t understand that he is as sentient as her. He meandered to the hotdog stand with the ten-dollar bill in his mouth.
“Hey, down here.”
“Oh, hello there.” The large, hairy vendor said.
“Hi. I’d like a hotdog, chips and a soda pop.” Catbot stood on his hind legs and the vendor took the money out of his mouth.
“That’s really gross,” commented the hairy vendor in a gruff voice.
“Hey, I can’t tell if you’re Australopithecine or Homo-Sapien, and you’re calling me gross?”
“It’s Cro-Magnon, and you don’t have to be insulting.”
“Just put the goods in a bag.” Catbot took the plastic bag in his teeth, and stared at the vendor very carefully. He was indeed Cro-Magnon. Well I’ll be damned, Catbot thought. He started back to Gloria and glanced over his shoulder one last time at the vendor.
Gloria was busy conversing with a punk who had a large purple mo-hawk. He wore leather pants and went shirtless to show off his nipple ring. Catbot’s ears folded back, and a strong desire to hiss came over him, but he suppressed it. “Fee-fi-fo-hozer, I smell a little poser.” Catbot said to himself.
“Yeah, it sucks being a meta-human; bad guys always want to recruit you for evil.”
Gloria was listening too intently to the punk for Catbot’s taste. He dropped the plastic bag by her feet.
“Hey thanks. Catbot, this is Sean.”
“Wow, it’s a little kitty.”
“Wow it’s a little dick,” Catbot said as he coughed loudly. Only Gloria heard Catbot’s comment, and she gave him a stern look. “I think we should get going Gloria, we need to find our way back to Hell’s Bathroom.”
“Oh my god, you’re from Hell’s Bathroom? That’s rough; you’ve got to be pretty tough to survive in that neighborhood.” He’s kissing ass Gloria; don’t fall for it, Catbot thought.
“I wouldn’t know; I haven’t lived anywhere else.” Good Gloria. Now tell this wannabe to fuck off, so we can go watch the Sopranos, Catbot thought.
“I’m just saying you must have gone through a lot of rough shit.”
“I’ve had my share, I suppose.”
No, no Gloria. Catbot decided to drop a less subtle hint, so he grabbed Gloria’s sleeve with his teeth and started pulling on it. Gloria tried pushing him away, as she and Sean continued talking.
“Hey you want to go somewhere?”
“Where?” Gloria asked as she tried pushing Catbot away.
“My friends and I are staying at this warehouse. It was abandoned, so we fixed it up real nice.”
“Sounds like fun. Could you excuse me for a moment?” Gloria grabbed Catbot and they walked out of hearing range.
“Catbot, what’s wrong with you?”
“You can’t be serious about hanging out with this guy. We’re already lost in this town, and we have to find our way home.”
“You’re not my mother; go home. I can take care of myself.”
“This guy’s a loser.”
“Fuck off, and go home.” Gloria dropped Catbot and walked away with Sean. Catbot sat on the curb, watching the back of Gloria, feeling very hurt. ‘She can be a real bitch sometimes.’
Before following them, Catbot opened the bag, and started eating the hotdog. “Gross, this tastes like it was made from rhino balls. Oh, wait a minute.”
Gloria followed Sean through an open door of a huge warehouse situated in the Wharf District. The warehouse was largely empty except for several mattresses and beer bottles. Gloria wasn’t impressed any longer.
“I thought you said you and your friends fixed this place up.”
“Well, we’re working on it. You see that wood in the corner? We’re going to build a half-pipe in here.” Sean guided Gloria towards a mattress. There was a small radio and cooler next to the mattress they sat on.
“You want a beer?” Sean asked.
“Not really,” Gloria said. As Sean put a CD in his radio, Catbot sat on the roof of the warehouse, watching Sean and Gloria through a skylight.
“So where do you go to school?” Sean asked.
“A shit-hole called Christian Valley.”
“Sounds like a shit-hole.”
“How long do you guys plan on staying here? I mean the city isn’t just going to ignore this warehouse forever. And where’s your friends?”
“I don’t think the city gives a shit about this place, and my friends are probably out getting supplies for the club we’re going to build.”
“I thought you guys were building a skate-park. Could you please not sit so close to me?”
“We have enough room for a club and a small skate-park,” Sean said indifferently as he leaned in close to Gloria.
“Please, stop it.”
“Hey, don’t worry, we’re all alone.”
“No Sean, I don’t want to.”
“Come on. In you’re my house, show some courtesy.” Sean said as he started sliding his hand between Gloria’s legs.
“Well ok, hold on a moment.” Gloria said to Sean’s surprise. She turned from him and pretended to start taking off her shirt as she reached for the razor under her tongue.
“Oh no, you won’t be needing that.” Sean caught Gloria by the wrist and forced her to drop the razor. Then, he forced her back on the mattress.
“Get off me you geek.”
“Geek? I think you need a boyfriend like me right now.”
Catbot punched through the glass skylight and dropped down on Sean’s back. Sean jumped up and began wildly screaming and dancing around with Catbot on his back.
“She said get off her geek.”
“God, just take the little bitch and go.”
“Oh, you want me to take the little bitch and go, huh?” Catbot reached around and tore off Sean’s nipple ring. Then, he dropped off the wannabe punk as Gloria got to her feet. “I think before my friend and I leave this shit-hole you call home, you’re going to apologize to her, or I’ll let her remove your pretty boy eyes.”
“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please just go.” Sean said as he lay on the floor, holding his bleeding nipple.
“Gloria, are we ready to go home?”
“I’m ready,” Gloria said, quietly looking at the floor in shame. She slowly started walking towards the door, and Catbot followed. Before Catbot exited, he turned around and hissed at Sean. Sean jumped. “God, that feels good,” Catbot thought.
As Catbot called Lissette, he and Gloria sat on a curb in front of an uptown café. Gloria pulled her knees up to her chin and hugged her legs.
“Lissette will be here in an hour.”
“Catbot, I’m so sorry.” Several moments of silence passed between them.
“You really hurt my feelings.”
Gloria was almost surprised to hear his statement. She looked at Catbot for what seemed like a very long time. He wasn’t just a robot, and she realized that she did in fact hurt her protector’s feelings. Tears began to well up in her red eyes.
“Please forgive me.”
Catbot didn’t say anything. He just pushed his head against Gloria’s arm and started purring. Forty-five minutes later, a black Cadillac pulled along side the curb and let the two friends in.
“Did you guys have a good time?” Lissette asked. “I hope you didn’t end up in of those asinine dimensions the bus system will get you lost in.”
“Oh, no. Catbot steered us away from the buses when we couldn’t figure out where to go. It was his idea to call you.”
“Is that true Catbot?”
“Of course.” He didn’t see any reason to give Gloria away. She was safe, and he would make sure she didn’t make a habit of wandering off with strangers. Gloria gave her friend an affectionate squeeze. Catbot felt her gratitude and respect.
Jack Bryson
Copyright 2005
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